When I was 16, my world transformed in two profound ways. I became a mother, and I began the journey of raising a child who—like me—experienced the world through a neurodivergent lens. Neither of us knew it then, but we were both autistic, navigating a world that wasn't designed for minds like ours. ## Two Space Cadets Finding Our Way They called me a "space cadet" long before I understood what it meant. Lost in thought, missing social cues, overwhelmed by sensory experiences others barely noticed—I lived in a different orbit from my peers. When my son came along, I recognized familiar patterns in him, though his autism expressed itself differently than mine. He was a bit less on the spectrum than me, but together, we formed our own constellation. What we lacked in traditional guidance, we made up for in understanding. When he couldn't bear the feel of certain fabrics, I didn't need an explanation. When I became overwhelmed in crowded spaces, he instinctively knew...
Work is hard when your brain works differently. You're trying to mask, meet expectations, manage sensory input, handle social demands—and actually do your job.
And you're supposed to pretend it's easy.
The Disclosure Question: To Tell or Not to Tell
Pros of Disclosure
- Access to accommodations (legal protections)
- Relief from masking constantly
- Employers can't discriminate based on disability they know about (in theory)
- Reduces anxiety about "being found out"
Cons of Disclosure
- Discrimination (employers find ways to let you go)
- Reduced opportunities (not promoted, excluded from projects)
- Lowered expectations ("We don't think you can handle this")
- Coworker gossip and stigma
- Managers weaponizing your disclosure against you
Making the Decision
Ask yourself:
- Can I mask at this job without burning out?
- Do I need accommodations to do my job well?
- Is this company/manager trustworthy?
- What's my risk tolerance for discrimination?
- Do I have financial safety net if they retaliate?
How to Disclose (If You Choose To)
Script for Disclosure
"I wanted to share that I'm [neurodivergent identity—autism, ADHD, etc.]. This is just context for why [specific accommodation] helps me perform better. I'm still the same capable person you hired. Here's what I need to thrive: [specific accommodations]."
In Writing Is Best
Email to HR or manager (creates a paper trail). Include:
- Your neurodivergent identity (or just "I have a disability")
- How it affects your work
- Specific accommodations you need
- How accommodations will help you perform
- A request for a follow-up conversation
Common Workplace Accommodations
- Flexible schedule (start/end times, remote work)
- Quiet workspace (private office, noise-canceling headphones)
- Written instructions (in addition to verbal)
- Reduced meetings (async communication instead)
- Sensory accommodations (lighting, temperature, seating)
- Task breaks (15 min every hour for regulation)
- Deadline extensions (when feasible)
- Modified communication (email over phone, etc.)
Red Flags: When It's Time to Leave
- Managers dismiss or deny accommodations
- Coworkers are hostile about your neurodivergence
- You're burning out despite accommodations
- Retaliation for requesting accommodations
- Discrimination (different treatment than neurotypical coworkers)
- Your mental/physical health is deteriorating
Remote Work: The ND Advantage
Remote work is often easier for ND folks:
- Control over your sensory environment
- No commute stress
- Flexibility for breaks/regulation
- Async communication (less pressure for immediate responses)
- Less masking (you can be yourself on camera or off-camera)
If You Experience Discrimination
- Document everything. Dates, times, what was said, witnesses.
- File a complaint with HR or your company's discrimination department.
- Contact the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) or equivalent in your country.
- Consult an employment lawyer. Many offer free consultations.
- Reach out to disability rights organizations for support.
Survival Strategies While Working
- Build in decompression time after work (no other demands).
- Honor your limits. You can't "push through" indefinitely.
- Find at least one ally at work (someone who gets it, who you can be real with).
- Celebrate wins (you showed up, you did the thing, that's enough).
- Have an exit plan (know you can leave if you need to).
To Every Neurodivergent Employee
Your neurodivergence is not a limitation—it's a difference.
You deserve workplace accommodations.
You deserve to work without constant masking.
If an employer can't accommodate you, the problem is theirs—not yours.
For advocacy resources, visit Navigating Services and Advocacy. For self-advocacy scripts, see Self-Advocacy Toolkits.
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