When I was 16, my world transformed in two profound ways. I became a mother, and I began the journey of raising a child who—like me—experienced the world through a neurodivergent lens. Neither of us knew it then, but we were both autistic, navigating a world that wasn't designed for minds like ours. ## Two Space Cadets Finding Our Way They called me a "space cadet" long before I understood what it meant. Lost in thought, missing social cues, overwhelmed by sensory experiences others barely noticed—I lived in a different orbit from my peers. When my son came along, I recognized familiar patterns in him, though his autism expressed itself differently than mine. He was a bit less on the spectrum than me, but together, we formed our own constellation. What we lacked in traditional guidance, we made up for in understanding. When he couldn't bear the feel of certain fabrics, I didn't need an explanation. When I became overwhelmed in crowded spaces, he instinctively knew...
"You're so smart—why can't you just focus?"
"You don't look autistic."
"Everyone's a little ADHD."
"You're just using that as an excuse."
These comments sting because stigma is everywhere. And when you're neurodivergent, stigma becomes part of your identity—a voice in your head telling you that you're broken, lazy, faking, or not neurodivergent "enough."
How Stigma Shows Up in Healthcare
Doctors Don't Take You Seriously
You describe your symptoms. Your doctor dismisses them as anxiety or depression. Your neurodivergence goes undiagnosed for years.
Racist and Ableist Diagnostic Gaps
BIPOC people are diagnosed later (or never). Girls are diagnosed later than boys. Queer and trans ND people face compounded stigma.
Pathologizing Normal ND Traits
Your special interest isn't a "disorder"—it's passion. Your stimming isn't a symptom—it's regulation. But medical systems frame all of it as pathology.
How Stigma Shows Up in Education
"Troublemaker" Labels
Your ADHD brain fidgets in class. Teachers call you disruptive. Your autism makes eye contact hard. You're labeled "disrespectful." You internalize shame for traits you can't control.
Bullying from Peers and Educators
You're mocked for stims, special interests, or "weird" communication styles. Teachers don't intervene. You learn to hide yourself.
Lower Expectations
Teachers assume you can't do the work. They lower standards instead of providing accommodations. You internalize the message: "I'm incapable."
How Stigma Shows Up in Daily Life
Judgment for Asking for Accommodations
You ask for a quiet space. Coworkers roll their eyes: "Why are you so sensitive?" You ask for written instructions. Managers question if you're "really" neurodivergent.
Isolation and Invisibility
You hide your neurodivergence to avoid judgment. You mask, suppress stims, force eye contact. Nobody knows the real you—and loneliness follows.
Employment Discrimination
You're not hired because you "don't fit the culture." You're fired for stimming or needing breaks. Disability protections exist on paper—but enforcement is weak.
The Impact of Stigma on Mental Health
- Shame: "Something is wrong with me."
- Anxiety: Constant fear of being "found out" or judged.
- Depression: Loss of hope, feeling broken and unfixable.
- Imposter Syndrome: "I'm faking this. I'm not really neurodivergent."
- Internalized Ableism: You believe the stigma. You hate yourself for being neurodivergent.
Strategies for Overcoming Stigma
Reframe Your Narrative
You're not broken. You're neurodivergent. Different, not deficient. Your brain works. It just works differently.
Find Your Community
Other neurodivergent people who GET IT. Online or in-person. People who don't judge, who celebrate your quirks, who say "me too."
Practice Self-Advocacy
Learn to ask for what you need. Set boundaries. Say no without guilt. Every time you advocate for yourself, you're challenging internalized stigma.
Educate (When You Have Energy)
Share your story with safe people. Normalize neurodivergence. But remember: you don't owe education or emotional labor to anyone.
Grieve What You've Lost
Grieve the years of shame, the relationships you lost, the career paths closed to you because of discrimination. Grief is healing.
Challenge Internalized Ableism
Notice when you're being ableist toward yourself. Replace "I'm lazy" with "My ADHD brain needs different support." Replace "I'm broken" with "I'm neurodivergent."
To People Who Face Compounded Stigma
If you're a BIPOC neurodivergent person, or LGBTQ+, or disabled, or poor—you face stigma from multiple directions. That's real. That's valid. And you're still deserving of compassion, accommodation, and respect.
To Everyone
Stigma thrives in silence. Breaking it starts with one person saying: "I'm neurodivergent, and I'm not ashamed."
For self-advocacy resources, visit Self-Advocacy Toolkits. For community support, join our Community.
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