When I was 16, my world transformed in two profound ways. I became a mother, and I began the journey of raising a child who—like me—experienced the world through a neurodivergent lens. Neither of us knew it then, but we were both autistic, navigating a world that wasn't designed for minds like ours. ## Two Space Cadets Finding Our Way They called me a "space cadet" long before I understood what it meant. Lost in thought, missing social cues, overwhelmed by sensory experiences others barely noticed—I lived in a different orbit from my peers. When my son came along, I recognized familiar patterns in him, though his autism expressed itself differently than mine. He was a bit less on the spectrum than me, but together, we formed our own constellation. What we lacked in traditional guidance, we made up for in understanding. When he couldn't bear the feel of certain fabrics, I didn't need an explanation. When I became overwhelmed in crowded spaces, he instinctively knew...
Self-advocacy is scary. You've been taught to be quiet, accommodating, grateful. Asking for what you need feels selfish. Demanding accommodation feels demanding.
But here's the truth: Self-advocacy is survival. It's taking up space. It's saying "my needs matter."
What Self-Advocacy Looks Like
Self-advocacy isn't aggression. It's clearly communicating your needs and boundaries. It's knowing your rights. It's asking for accommodations without shame.
Getting Started: Know Yourself First
Identify Your Needs
- What sensory accommodations help you? (quiet spaces, dim lighting, break times)
- What communication works best? (written, in-person, email, async)
- When do you struggle most? (mornings, after social events, in stimulating environments)
- What strategies help you regulate? (stims, movement, alone time, food)
Know Your Rights
- At work: ADA accommodations (US), similar protections in other countries.
- In school: 504 plans, IEPs, disability services.
- Healthcare: Right to accommodations, informed consent, second opinions.
- In relationships: Right to boundaries, to say no, to take breaks.
Scripts for Common Situations
At Work: Requesting Accommodation
What to say: "I work best with [specific accommodation]. This will help me [outcome]. Can we set this up?"
Examples:
"I work best with written instructions. This helps me refer back and reduces misunderstandings."
"I need a quiet space for focused work. I'm more productive away from the main office."
"I'd like to take a 10-minute break each hour. This helps me regulate and stay focused."
In School: Explaining Your Needs
What to say: "I'm neurodivergent, and I need [accommodation] to access this class equally."
Examples:
"I'm autistic and have sensory sensitivities. Can we arrange seating away from the door/window?"
"I have ADHD and benefit from written instructions in addition to verbal explanations."
"I experience anxiety in timed tests. Extended time helps me demonstrate what I know."
In Healthcare: Setting Boundaries
What to say: "I need [accommodation] to be comfortable during this appointment."
Examples:
"I have sensory sensitivities. Can we keep the lights lower and keep voices quiet?"
"I struggle with verbal communication when anxious. Can I write down my symptoms?"
"I need to know what to expect before procedures. Can you walk me through it first?"
With Friends/Family: Explaining Your Limits
What to say: "I care about you AND I need [boundary] for my wellbeing."
Examples:
"I love spending time with you. I also need quiet time alone to recharge. Let's plan shorter visits."
"I'm not ignoring you—I'm overwhelmed. I need a break. I'll reach out when I'm ready."
"I can't do spontaneous plans. I need notice so I can prepare mentally. Can we schedule ahead?"
How to Handle Push-Back
When Someone Says: "Everyone struggles with that."
You respond: "Maybe, but neurodivergence means I experience it more intensely/frequently. I need support."
When Someone Says: "You're being difficult."
You respond: "I'm asking for what I need to be successful. That's not difficult—that's advocacy."
When Someone Says: "We don't have the resources."
You respond: "I understand resources are limited. Let's problem-solve together. What ARE the options?"
When Someone Says: "You didn't ask before."
You respond: "I'm asking now. I'm learning what I need. Can we work with this going forward?"
Documenting Everything
- Keep emails/written requests (creates a paper trail).
- Write down conversations (date, time, what was discussed).
- Get accommodations in writing (emails confirming agreements).
- Save positive feedback and evidence of your work/success.
Building Advocacy Skills Over Time
Start Small
Ask for one accommodation. Build confidence. Then ask for another.
Practice with Safe People
Role-play with trusted friends or therapists. Practice your scripts.
Join Communities
Other neurodivergent people have scripts, strategies, and support to share.
Celebrate Wins
Every time you advocate for yourself, you're building a new neural pathway. Celebrate that.
Permission Slip
You have permission to:
– Ask for what you need
– Say no without explaining
– Change your mind
– Take breaks
– Be "inconvenient"
– Prioritize your wellbeing
– Advocate fiercely for yourself
Your needs matter. Your voice matters. You matter.
For more advocacy resources, visit Get Involved. For workplace rights, see Navigating Services and Advocacy.
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