When I was 16, my world transformed in two profound ways. I became a mother, and I began the journey of raising a child who—like me—experienced the world through a neurodivergent lens. Neither of us knew it then, but we were both autistic, navigating a world that wasn't designed for minds like ours. ## Two Space Cadets Finding Our Way They called me a "space cadet" long before I understood what it meant. Lost in thought, missing social cues, overwhelmed by sensory experiences others barely noticed—I lived in a different orbit from my peers. When my son came along, I recognized familiar patterns in him, though his autism expressed itself differently than mine. He was a bit less on the spectrum than me, but together, we formed our own constellation. What we lacked in traditional guidance, we made up for in understanding. When he couldn't bear the feel of certain fabrics, I didn't need an explanation. When I became overwhelmed in crowded spaces, he instinctively knew...
You know you need to do the thing.
You want to do the thing.
But your brain won't let you.
That's not laziness. That's executive dysfunction.
What Is Executive Function?
Executive function is your brain's ability to:
- Plan and organize
- Start tasks (initiation)
- Manage time
- Shift between tasks (flexibility)
- Work memory (hold information while working)
- Control impulses
- Manage emotions in the moment
When you have ADHD, autism, or other neurodivergences, executive function is often impaired. It's not about willpower—it's about neurology.
What Executive Dysfunction Looks Like
Time Blindness
Five minutes feels like 30. Hours disappear. You have no internal sense of time passing. You're late for everything, not because you don't care, but because your brain doesn't track time.
Task Initiation Paralysis
You stare at the blank task for hours. Opening the email, starting the project, making the call—you can't bridge the gap between thinking about it and doing it. Your brain won't send the "go" signal.
Object Permanence Issues
If it's not in front of you, it doesn't exist. You forget about tasks the second you look away. You forget about people. This isn't about caring—it's about your brain not holding information.
Decision Paralysis
Too many choices freezes your brain. Should you shower before or after breakfast? Which shirt? The decision-making system is broken. You're stuck.
Context Switching Difficulty
You're doing Task A. Switching to Task B requires your entire brain to reboot. Multi-tasking feels impossible.
Emotional Dysregulation
Something minor triggers big emotions. You're crying over a text message. You're raging at a coworker. Your emotions are disproportionate—not because you're "crazy," but because emotional regulation is an executive function.
Why "Just Do It" Doesn't Work
Neurotypical people have an automatic "go" system. They decide to do something and their brain does it.
Neurodivergent brains often don't have that automatic function. The gap between intention and action is huge. Willpower can't bridge it. Motivation can't bridge it. Only accommodations can.
Strategies That Actually Work
External Accountability
- Tell someone you're doing it (you'll do it to avoid shame)
- Body doubling (someone working near you, even online)
- Scheduled check-ins
Make It Obvious
- Put the task in your line of sight
- Set a timer/reminder
- Prep the night before
- Use lists (written, not mental)
Make It Easy
- Break tasks into tiny steps
- Remove barriers (have everything you need ready)
- Start absurdly small (1 minute counts)
- Do the hardest part first if possible
Use Urgency (Carefully)
- Deadlines help some ND brains mobilize
- But don't rely on panic—it burns you out
Gamify It
- Make it fun (music, reward after)
- Turn it into a game (speedrun, checklist satisfaction)
- Visual progress tracker
Accept Alternative Approaches
- If the "normal" way doesn't work, find your way
- Task order might be different for you (and that's okay)
- Your pace might be slower (and that's okay)
When Executive Dysfunction Gets Dangerous
Sometimes executive dysfunction means:
- Forgetting to eat or hydrate
- Not paying bills (financial consequences)
- Missing medical appointments
- House becoming unsafe/unsanitary
If this is you:
- Ask for help. Friends, family, professionals—ask.
- Use reminders aggressively. Phone alarms, written notes, timers.
- Set up automation. Auto-pay bills, auto-refill meds, etc.
- Seek professional support. ADHD coaching, therapy, medication evaluation.
To Every Person with Executive Dysfunction
You're not lazy.
You're not unmotivated.
Your brain works differently, and that's not a character flaw.
The strategies that work for neurotypical people won't work for you—and that's okay.
You just need different systems. And those systems can work.
For self-advocacy and accommodation strategies, visit Self-Advocacy Toolkits. For workplace accommodations, see Employment Navigation.
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