I Have a Train to Catch in 45 Minutes and I Still Haven't Brushed My Hair: A Neurodivergent Thanksgiving Travel Story When you're excited to go, your stuff is "sort of" packed (read: piled on top of a suitcase), and your body still won't cooperate. It's happening again. I have a train to Portland in approximately 45 minutes. I'm excited to go. I WANT to go. I've been looking forward to this trip. And yet here I am, writing a blog post instead of brushing my hair, my belongings scattered on top of a suitcase like some kind of packing abstract art installation, and I genuinely cannot explain why I'm not moving faster. My hair? Unbrushed chaos. My suitcase? A pile of items that are technically IN the vicinity of luggage. My brain? Running seventeen simultaneous programs, none of which are "get ready to leave." If you're neurodivergent, you already know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're not, let me explain: th...

Thanksgiving When You Don't Want to Do the Things A neurodivergent's guide to surviving a holiday built for people who don't get overwhelmed by loud relatives, weird textures, and mandatory gratitude performances. Happy Thanksgiving! Or, as I like to call it: Sensory Hellscape Day featuring Obligation Theater and an appearance by your aunt who still doesn't believe ADHD is real. If you're reading this, there's a good chance you're already dreading today. Or maybe you're hiding in a bathroom right now, phone in hand, taking a "break" that's really just you trying to remember how to breathe normally. Either way—hi. I see you. You're valid. And no, you don't have to want to "do the things" to be a good person. The Thing About Thanksgiving That Nobody Talks About Thanksgiving is a sensory and social perfect storm specifically designed to overwhelm neurodivergent nervous systems. Let's inventory what we're ...

The Body That Won't Move: Autistic Inertia, Procrastination, and Why Your Motivation Doesn't Work Like Everyone Else's When you can see exactly what needs to be done, but your brain and body won't cooperate. You're not lazy—you're experiencing something real. I'm lying on the couch. I need to do the dishes. I KNOW I need to do the dishes. I can see them from here. I've been thinking about doing the dishes for three hours. I've made a mental plan for doing the dishes. I've calculated exactly how long it will take to do the dishes (17 minutes, max). And yet. My body will not move. It's not that I don't want to do the dishes. It's not that I'm "choosing" to not do them. It's that there is a complete disconnection between my intention and my ability to execute. Like the signal from my brain is getting lost somewhere before it reaches my limbs. If this sounds familiar, welcome. You're not lazy. You're...

How Do I "Feel My Feelings" When I Can't Find Them? Working the Steps as a Neurodivergent Person with Alexithymia When recovery tells you to identify your emotions but your brain speaks a different language entirely. "How are you feeling about that?" This question haunts me. It haunts me in meetings. It haunts me in sponsor calls. It haunts me in therapy. It haunts me when I'm trying to work the steps and the whole program seems to assume I have easy access to an emotional vocabulary I've never possessed. The answer is usually some version of: "I don't know." Not because I don't care. Not because I'm avoiding. But because genuinely, truly, neurologically—I often have no idea what I'm feeling. I know I'm feeling SOMETHING, but asking me to name it is like asking me to describe a color I've never seen. If you're neurodivergent and in recovery, struggling with the emotional processing parts of step work, yo...

Why My Brain Won't Let Me Sleep: The Neurodivergent, Trauma, and Recovery Edition When your brain was already wired differently, then got scrambled by trauma, then got further fried by substances... and now you're in recovery wondering if you'll ever sleep like a "normal" person again. Let me paint you a picture: It's 3 AM. I've been "going to bed" since 11 PM. My body is exhausted—like, bone-deep exhausted from doing All The Things that recovery demands. But my brain? My brain is running seventeen tabs, three of them frozen, one playing music I can't find, and there's definitely something downloading in the background that I didn't authorize. Sound familiar? Yeah. I thought so. The Triple Threat Nobody Warned Us About Here's the thing they don't tell you when you're autistic and ADHD with a trauma history who also walked through the fire of addiction: each one of these things individually messes with your sleep...

The Gift of Violence: What Matt Thornton Taught Me About Self-Defense, Truth, and Taking Ownership of My Life A deep dive into the philosophy behind functional martial arts and why it matters beyond the mat Okay Space Cadets, this one is personal. My husband and I train at SBG—Straight Blast Gym—in Portland, where Matt Thornton founded his methodology over two decades ago. I've had the honor of meeting Matt, and my husband was given a first-publication copy of The Gift of Violence when it first came out. So when I tell you this book hits different for me? I mean it. But this isn't just a book review. This is about why the principles in this book matter for healing, for self-worth, and for anyone who's ever felt powerless. The Title Isn't Meant to Provoke—It's Meant to Communicate Truth Let's address the elephant in the room: yes, the title is provocative. But Matt isn't glorifying violence. He's acknowledging a truth that many people pre...

What Happened to You? The Question That Changes Everything Unpacking the transformative insights from Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey's powerful book Space Cadets, I need to tell you about a book that literally reframed how I think about myself, my past, and every single person I meet. What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey isn't just another trauma book. It's a fundamental shift in perspective—from judgment to curiosity, from blame to understanding. And that shift? It's healing in itself. The Question That Changes Everything The entire premise of this book comes from a simple but revolutionary reframe: Instead of asking "What's wrong with you?" Ask "What happened to you?" That's it. That's the shift. And it changes absolutely everything. Because when you ask "What's wrong with you?"—you're implying the person IS the problem....

The Body Keeps the Score: Why Your Trauma Lives in Your Muscles, Not Just Your Mind A deep dive into Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's groundbreaking work on trauma and healing Okay, Space Cadets. Let's talk about something that fundamentally changed how I understand my own body, my trauma responses, and honestly? My entire healing journey. The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk isn't just another self-help book. It's not some fluffy "think positive thoughts" nonsense. This is decades of neuroscience research, clinical practice, and genuine understanding of what happens when our bodies experience things our minds can't process. And for those of us who are neurodivergent? This book hits different. The Core Message: Trauma Literally Reshapes Your Brain and Body Here's what blew my mind: Dr. van der Kolk's central thesis is that trauma doesn't just leave psychological scars—it causes actual physiological changes in the brain...

  I got one amend today. Just one. And yet it feels like it cracked something so deep inside me that I’m still picking up the pieces. This is what happens when you’re married to someone in recovery, and you both have enough trauma for ten lifetimes. This is what happens when your husband hands you a confession you already lived—and denied—three years ago. He cheated. Back in 2022, when I still trusted him, when I still thought “that’s just my trauma acting up.” Except it wasn’t just trauma. It was my intuition. It was my neurodivergent pattern-recognition: knowing what’s  off , picking up the subtlest energetic shift, feeling the truth in my bones even when the evidence says “move on.” It was my gut screaming “something’s wrong.” But trauma plus gaslighting? That’ll make you doubt your own mind every single time. This isn’t the first betrayal. It’s one of a kagillion. But this one broke something in me, because it isn’t just the cheating—it’s the years I spent apologizing for ...